"As I stared down at Constantin the way you stare down at a bright, unattainable pebble at the bottom of a deep well, his eyelids lifted and he looked through me, and his eyes were full of love.  I watched dumbly as a shutter of recognition clicked across the blur of tenderness and the wide pupils went glossy and depthless as patent leather."

--The Bell Jar, Sylvia

A quote from some seventeenth-century British literature ("The Country Wife" by William Wycherley):

"Thou art an ass."

It's a play about a man who promulgates that he is a eunuch in order to deceive husbands into trusting him whilst simultaneously getting into their wives' beds.

OMGOSH.
So.  Which of you kids voted?


It is raining in Merced right now,

AND GUESS WHAT?!

Yes, I love her.


1. Ain't No Cover
2. Summer in the City
3. All non-believers....
4. Flowers
5. Poor Little Rich Boy
6. Human of the....
7. Bobbing for apples, fucking to one of my songs....
8. That Time
9. On the Radio
10. Sailor Song
11. Après Moi
12. Better
13. Edit
14. Carbon Monoxide
15. Fidelity
16. Your Honor
Encore
17. Ghost of Corporate Future
18. Us
19. Samson
20. Hotel Song

Five rows of people away.  A piano, a guitar, and a drumstick.  A beautiful band.  "Legendary." 

So, I feel like sharing some of the juicier (a.k.a. less academically-oriented) aspects of my college experience so far.

1.  One of my roommates has taken it upon herself to get me drunk for the first time because we're all curious to find out exactly what kind of drunk I am.  The only problem, of course, is the whole emetophobia thing. 

2.  I have a stalker.  Enough said.

3.  I'm platonically in love with one of my teachers.

4.  Officially, UC Merced = high school except I live on-campus.

5.  I hate it here.  My friends and I have decided that it's a glorified penitentiary.  Instead of electrical fences and/or moats, we have grass and cows.  Instead of cells, we have dorms.  We really are making the most of it, though -- don't get me wrong.  It's the feeling when you're comfortable, but you know you don't belong.  It's hard to convey this first-hand experience, but hopefully you sort of understand.

6.  I feel like I'm missing everything important, and everything and everyone is slowly moving away from me.

I've been experiencing a serious lack of material as of late.  In my defense, not much happens in Merced.  I did spend my third weekend here this past weekend, and it wasn't bad at all.  I even got to bond some more with one of my roomies -- we cleaned our entire dorm, made our respective living spaces pretty, and went into town to service our consumerist desires.  The Merced Mall has one floor, and it smells rather funny.  Kind of like the Merced locals.

I observed a soccer game two weekends ago, and I'm watching a football game this weekend.  Yes, I'm just as surprised as you are.

You're currently catching me in a transitional period.  I could get used to this if I really wanted to, I guess, but I don't.  So, what's the next best alternative (macroeconomics nostalgia!)?  Transferring!  The only problem is that I'm going to have to do some UC system duping in order to transfer at a sophomore level, and it's not even guaranteed (far from it, actually).  I'm going to declare a major in the agricultural/biological college, which isn't so bad because I did want to be a marine/conservation biologist at one point.   This is going to take much time, effort, and resilience, and it's all dependent upon me.  Needless to say, I'm scared.

If you've noticed I've been not much better than a hermit lately, please forgive me.  These past couple of weeks have been full of essays and midterms.  Oy vey.

*yawn*

Regina Spektor.

San Francisco.

October 29th.



Oh my god.

Hail, people of Livejournal!
Yes, yes, I am alive.

Two things that I fully discovered [and wasted time with] today:

• YouTube
• LJ video embedding

Well, life is progressively getting more and more surreal.

Today I bought art prints for my dorm, frittered time away, and said good-bye.

trippy Architecture in Helsinki remixes....

Also: AIH concert in San Francisco on October 13th.  You're coming with me.


Edit - 2:59 a.m., 1 August 2006: Can't....sleep....

"I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart.  I am.  I am.  I am."

Holly has just discovered Sylvia Plath audio recordings.  Eeee!  ^-^

/fangirl.

Whenever anyone presents an introduction to speaking, it is always always always a bad sign for bad things to come.  
Case in point:
"Holly, we need to discuss something...."
"Holly, there's something I have to tell you...."
"Holly, we have to talk...."
"Holly, we have something to discuss with you...."

I had the loveliest chat with one of my roommates yesterday.  :D  I'm so excited and so, so grateful.

[I'd talk to the other one, but she's on a medical mission in the Dominican Republic.]


Also : 
1.  I....I get my very own computer.  ^-^
2.  You know a CD is rare when you can't find it on amazon and you can't find it on eBay.  *insert music-lust angst here*

Note to self: it is unwise to leave your dwelling for seventeen consecutive days because if you do, you will be swamped by e-mails, paper mail (some of which was dated, but oh well....), and the here and again calls to reality.  

Armed with jellyfish sting scar, higher understanding of my phobias' boundaries, new-found respect for my native speed limit and weather patterns, new CDs, and summery clothes that I shall not be able to wear until yet another year passes, I am ready to face Orange County again.  

College looms [and everything it entails]!

Good bye.

so, tomorrow is high school graduation.  
i'm really really really excited to see cara and for her to meet everyone.  <3  
but honestly, i'm just hoping my family can get along for a few measly hours.
replaying "i've got you," tegan and sara 7+ times because it's perfect for this mood.
today was a beautiful day.
(minus expected restlessness during baccalaureate mass.)
hmm i feel i should type something more meaningful (paradox?), but the words won't come.
i cannot sleep.

however
i refuse to leave you.

Let the humiliation and shame begin.  Well, at 10:45 this morning. Time changes are trippy--to you PST dwellers: next year, I am travelling forward in time, and I will be able to watch television shows, etc. etc. three hours before you. I....I got a Facebook....